Seriously? No really, I’m asking…SERIOUSLY?

11 03 2010

It is completely understandable, it happens all the time, and especially in parking lots.

I realize, sir, that you were probably a little shaken up after having rear-ended another vehicle in the restaurant, but did you really have to BLOCK IN *MY* CAR while you exchanged information slower than snails?

Forget the heart attack I suffered seeing someone with a dent on the front end of their light colored car that had dark colored paint on it parked behind my car while people were exchanging words.  And yes, please ignore me as I look to make sure that dark colored paint wasn’t from MY car, the one you have blocked into its parking spot.

Honestly though, at lunch time on a weekday you, in your admittedly shaken (and I’m not convinced not ‘drunken’) state, couldn’t have pulled up just a little further to stop and exchange information? The woman you hit had her vehicle well out of the way.  You obviously didn’t hit her behind my car so you had to have parked there.

Why for the love of all that is good in this world did you ignore me when I looked imploringly at you as I walked past your car to get to mine?

Why did woman just shrug when I looked imploringly at her when I realized you didn’t allow enough space for me to exit between you and the car parked next to me (aside: I parked on an end space so I’d only have one car next to out of concern that one less wingnut have opportunity to harm my not quite 1 year old (to me) car)?

When I asked nicely that you pull forward did you continue to ignore me? I was TRYING to be considerate.  I even waited a bit thinking to myself, ‘how long could this take? SURELY they must almost be done by now!’

NOPE.  So I waited a bit more until I realized I was now almost 30 minutes late getting back to work because of YOUR accident. Then you did the unthinkable and you got out of your car and WALKED AWAY! So yes, I yelled and I cursed (and I am LOUD and I curse WELL), but you STILL refused to budge (not helping my theory that you were drunk, by the way), acknowledge my existence, or even  notice the inconvenience you were causing me (not helping my compassion for your situation one teensy tiny bit).

I reassessed the situation, immediately discarding the idea of just backing out and taking your heap along with me as I went. I dug deep, I took a few cleansing breaths (HA, I *snorted* with rage, but it had a somewhat cleansing effect), and I channeled my family’s long history of car maneuvering abilities (my uncle can park  SIX 1950 vintage convertibles into a garage with two doors meant to be a 2 car garage with workshop area) before I performed a miracle maneuver WITHIN my parking space (did I mention I was in a CUV parked next to an SUV with a jackass parked on my ass? not a lot of wiggle room) so that I could ease my car out between your vehicle and the SUV next to me with my back-up alarm losing its shit because of the proximity of the other two vehicles (NOT helping my mood towards you AT ALL).

And guess what? THAT is the EXACT moment you chose to return to your car (still ignoring me and my efforts to escape the predicament you created for me)! And when I was almost clear of your car, THAT is the EXACT moment you chose to FINALLY move your P.O.S. That was also the exact moment when I almost completely lost it and jumped out of my car window to beat you to a bloody pulp.

Perfect timing, Jackass! Yes, I did yell that at you. Yes I did yell, now as I was almost clear of your fucking vehicle and you were finally going to move your car, that if you decided to move any direction other than forward and caused me to hit your car in the process I would most certainly kick your ass.

Trust me, that was no threat, it was a promise.  I wouldn’t have succeeded, having never actually hit anyone in my life, but I would have tried like hell and in the process you would have received the tongue lashing of your life.  That IS something with which I’m very experienced and quite adept too, if I do say so myself.

Here is some free advice for future such occasions:

1. At the VERY least acknowledge the innocent 3rd party’s existence. Maybe even apologize for inconveniencing them and offer to move your vehicle if it is blocking their way.

2. Don’t ever flip the bitch-switch on a Type-A Red Head unless you arrived willing to get the horns.

You’re welcome.

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2 responses

12 03 2010
Meryl

I don’t think I could drive on the East coast. Just hearing people talk about it makes me nervous!

12 03 2010
loudmouthredhead

Well, part of your opinion is based on MY skewed view of things. In my experience I have more issues in the NoVa/MD/DC area and further north, but that is due to much heavier traffic load all over the place. Here you can get many places via back routes without having to deal with the traffic. Most stressful I get around here (usually) is on the highways and in certain parking lots (because of the way they are laid out)!

Of course, I haven’t been to Kansas or any areas I’ve seen on tv with lots of long stretches of open highway…would love that though!

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