750 Topic: Create a Level of Hell Appropriate for Those Guilty of Being Inconsiderate Neighbors.

26 08 2010

I may or may not have inconsiderate neighbors.

I may or may not vent about them regularly.

I may or may not wish them a special kind of hell.

I will neither confirm nor deny any of the above, BUT…

…If I did have neighbors like that…

and I did wish a special kind of hell for them…

then this is the type of hell worthy of them…

[For the sake of this ‘hypothetical’ supposition, I’ve included some examples of ‘fictitious’ events (sadly more factual than satirical). Should any of the following happen to reflect events that you may be guilty of committing then grow the hell up or do me a favor and MOVE away from me!]

For rude, selfish, inconsiderate neighbors who park all over the place, block other neighbor’s yards and driveways with their cars, leave their trash can out every day of the week and all over the place, move other neighbors’ trash cans all over the place, play music too loud, storm up and down the stairs, thump the bass on the movies they watch, pound on walls, bang on pipes, ignore attempts by others to be courteous, look at you blankly when you attempt to greet them, rev their engine…well, there just has to be a special ring of hell for people like them. [Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes…]

I like to think that it is because they are young and don’t understand what it is like to have to share walls with others that neighbors are inconsiderate and rude.  However, after seeing how the mother of one particular neighbor [that I may or may not have] behaved when asked to turn the stereo down, I realize that, in some cases at least,  it is more likely the result of how they were reared.

Neighbors like that seem convinced they are somehow more entitled than the others.  That they are somehow above following the guidelines for common courtesy that the rest of the neighborhood follows to assure that EVERYONE is happy in their home.

Therefore, I think their special ring of hell would have to include the following:

A single wide trailer in a cramped and dirty trailer park that has poor plumbing, window unit air-conditioners, and a trailer park full of toothless rednecks with poor personal hygiene.  Hygiene so poor that the reek permeates every inch of every surface everywhere in the trailer park.

Packs of rabid dogs roaming aimlessly over every inch of the property leaving big stinking piles of shit all over that no one picks up, only adding to the disgusting odor of the place.

The neighbors should be the sort who scream incessantly at each other at all hours of the day and night, play their music too loud, and who basically just dump their trash out the side door of their trailer allowing it to pile up for weeks on end before (if ever) carting it off to the dump.

Most of all, however, his [I mean, NAMELESS Inconsiderate Neighbor] car would need to suffer.  So no garage, no protective structure of any sort, not even a car port leaving the car exposed constantly to the elements.

I envision the neighbor kids would occasionally pelt it with balls, frisbees, trash and run into it while on their skateboards and bikes so that it was covered with dents.  Rust would be a nice touch.  Perhaps every now and then a drunk neighbor would puke on it, dogs would pee on it, and vengeful neighbors would key the cars in retribution for the way that they are treating their neighbors around them.

Obviously there would have to be absolutely no recourse for responding to the inconsiderate actions of their neighbors. They would need to suffer wondering how to survive living next to people so clueless and inconsiderate with the knowledge that nothing they could do or say would make a difference.

They should be sick and tired one evening, looking for nothing more than their bed and some peaceful sleep only to find that all of the neighbors around them were throwing a loud, obnoxious party. Not only would they be kept awake and uncomfortable, but there would be nothing they could do and not way for them to escape the noise.

Cops would visit regularly to remind them that they chose to move there, that their neighbors had every right to behave the way they did, and that they knew when they moved in that they would be sharing space with others.  If they wanted to live in peace, then they should have bought a single family home on a decent sized lot.

The alternative would include neighbors, a builder, and an HOA (or two) who did nothing but ride them incessantly whenever they were inconsiderate and disrespectful teaching them that such behavior as theirs was not to be tolerated and that their only alternative would be to move to a galaxy far, far away.

[end scene]

…what a stretch that was for me to come up with so many examples of such a horrible knob of a neighbor-that, kids, is what you call CREATIVE writing…




4 responses

26 08 2010

As usual, you made me laugh. Wow, there’s no fury like a redhead’s and you do it best. And I must say I totally agree with your version of that chunk of hell. Now, can you do one like that for nasty, irritable, perennially pissed off co-workers?

Hugs from Jeannie ( another redhead)

26 08 2010

heeheehee, there was a day when I could have created an equally appropriate nasty co-worker hell, but thankfully anymore I would be hard-pressed to do that these days. It certainly doesn’t mean I couldn’t though ;0)
Hugs back, Red :0)

1 09 2010
Someone you know

How about the remote control sinkhole in front of their driveway…..and the control is in your house.

16 11 2010

We should have installed that while you were here. Right now I’d settle for a remote control that controls THEIR equipment!

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